Operation Eggplant GIVEAWAY: Send a free vibrator to someone in Texas (or any anti-abortion state)!!!
May 05, 2020
Not to make light of a global pandemic, but Masturbation Month this year could arguably not have been better timed. To essentially make lemonade out of lemons, the fact that we’re all confined indoors with little else to do other than cook, craft, and oscillate between Netflix and Pornhub in the wake of widespread stay-at-home orders means that there’s ample opportunity to celebrate this month of solo sex-positivity.
On any given day, I’m admittedly lazy when it comes to self-pleasure. I’m a big fan of efficiency, and will generally prefer to crank one out with little variance or fanfare. I like what I like, what can I say?
However lately, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on some more potentially fulfilling — or at least more fun — solo sexy adventures, and now that I have all the time in the world with few distractions or other obligations to deter me from indulging in more elaborate experiences, it’s high time to break out of my boring masturbation routine.
The following “Lazy Girl’s Guide to Masturbation” is perhaps a statement of the obvious, but when you’re stuck in a rut, sometimes you just need to go back to the basics to remember that “mixing it up” doesn’t require all that much effort, just a commitment to keeping an open mind and actually trying something new.
Disclaimer: a lot of these suggestions involve toys or products, which if you don’t already own, can be ordered, however, some Amazon workers are none too happy about having to deliver dildos during a pandemic. However you decide to explore, be mindful of your decisions, play safely and responsibly, and for the love of god, just don’t put anything in your butt that doesn’t have a stopper — essential workers don’t have the time to be removing foreign objects from anyone’s anus these days.
First Thing’s First: Watch More Porn If you’re like most millennials, you’ll peruse the tube sites watching clips and jerking off to the content that’s meant to entice viewers to actually make a purchase. While you can fill up on free samples, you really should pay for your porn and if you don’t already, there’s no time like the present to start. The adult industry caters to every niche imaginable and aside from having extra time on our collective hands, many companies and independent content creators are offering sales in response to coronavirus. So go down the rabbit hole and explore your fantasies: subscribe to someone’s OnlyFans, become a member of your favorite website, chat with some cam performers and tip them well or hell, maybe even splash out and order a custom clip. You sometimes don’t know what will tickle your fancy, but there’s only one way to find out.
Play With Intimate Cosmetics I never thought I needed a clitoral warming gel in my life but what’s living if you can’t experiment with what’s essentially IcyHot for your genitals? I’ve tried the warming ones, the cooling ones, the nipple creams, and booty relaxers — I’ve even given the oral spray that makes you salivate an absurd amount a go, which had more of a comical than sexy effect, but I digress. There’s quite the array of products to choose from, all of which offer their own unique benefits that range from arousing to deeply relaxing. Up next on my list: something CBD-infused.
Rediscover the Joys of Lube Could I cover my entire body in lube just to slither around, feeling like a slippery little eel? Sure, why not. Aside from its practical use, playing with lube (especially of the silicone variety) is just one of those fun things that instantly makes me feel like a super hot sex goddess. It’s an aesthetic thing. Don’t judge me.
Mix Up Your Masturbation M.O. Ninety-five percent of the time, I masturbate in the same position, using the same type of stimulation. While I can’t say that cumming the same way over and over gets boring to the point where I’m unmotivated to masturbate, throwing a little variety into the mix can produce a different kind of orgasm, which can never be discouraged. If you always do it on your bed, try the couch; if you’re a fan of watching porn, test out some audio erotica; always find yourself on your back — face a mirror or try touching yourself on all fours. To put it simply: challenge yourself to get inspired and try something, anything new in the spirit of self-exploration.
For me, I’ve amassed quite the collection of toys, many of which occasionally find their way into my much more colorful partnered sex life, but never into my solo sessions. However, at a time when partners who aren’t living together face the challenge of self-isolation, it’s become incumbent upon me to infuse my solo sex life with a little bit of that festive, fun flavor. In the pursuit of new novelty, I’ve committed myself to shake up my normal routine by incorporating all the odds and ends that have been living in a lonely corner of my closet since mid-March.
Go High Tech Does it count as masturbation if you let someone else control your vibrator? I vote yes. Kind of. Depending. Point being, the beauty of internet-connected devices is that you can literally be on opposite sides of the world and still share an intimate moment with someone. Again, endless options, from panty vibes to wands and more. Some brands even offer in-app chats and allow you to meet and connect with other users if you don’t have a specific partner in mind. It’s perhaps the closest you can get to partnered sex while remaining socially distant, which is pretty cool.
Have a Sexy Photoshoot I’m late to the game on this one but nevertheless, as someone who doesn’t take a lot of nudes, I had a hell of a time setting up a cute photo shoot for myself. I made an afternoon of it and involved costumes, makeshift lights — the whole deal. In the process of all of this, it became less about the final product and more about feeling myself at the moment. That kind of sexual energy once it gets flowing is divine.
Written by Zoe Tamara
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